Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Garden Humour

The Insanity of it All
Authored by anon years ago, I've enhanced this with a few modifications. 
It's a fun read, enjoy!

We as humans are an unpredictable species and at times do things that just don’t make sense. St. Francis, the patron Saint of animals and the environment has tried to rationalize many of our actions to God without much success.
God has said to him that since he knows all about gardens and nature that perhaps he could explain what is happening on earth? Where have all the dandelions, violets, thistles and others that were part of his perfect, no-maintenance garden plan gone? They were chosen because they would grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms would attract butterflies, honeybees and flocks of song birds.

Looking down upon earth he expects to see vast gardens of colours from these wonderful plants but all he sees are green rectangles. St. Francis explains that the tribes called Suburbanites that have settled on the land have decided the plants are weeds and go to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
God feels grass is boring, not colourful and certainly doesn’t attract the butterflies, honeybees and birds; only grubs and sod worms. He wonders if the Suburbanites really want all the grass they have growing around their homes.
St. Francis assures him that they do, and actually go to great measures to grow it and keep it green. He further describes how each spring the grass is fertilized and any interfering crops that may grow along with it are killed.
God nods in approval and says how the spring rains and warm weather that makes the grass grow really fast must make the Suburbanites very happy.

St. Francis is reluctant to add that as soon as the grass grows a little, it is cut and sometimes twice a week. God is confused; the grass must be cut and baled like hay then.
St. Francis shakes his head no; it is raked up and put in bags. God is more confused; if the grass is bagged, it must be a cash crop to sell.
No, St. Francis says, it is paid to be taken away. God cannot believe that the Suburbanites are fertilizing grass to make it grow and when it does, they pay to throw it away. He asks St. Francis if there is relief among the Suburbanites when the summer rains decrease and the heat turns up to slow the growth of the grass and save a lot of work.
Once again St. Francis shakes his head, shrugs his shoulders and says that when the grass stops growing the Suburbanites drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
God thinks this is all nonsense and changes the subject to ask how the trees on earth are. They grow leaves in spring to provide beauty and when they leaf out, there are many shady places to sit in summer. In autumn the leaves fall to the ground to form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and help protect the trees and shrubs. Also, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. Yes, he nods in affirmation; this is the natural circle of life.

St. Francis is afraid to tell God about the next part but feels he must. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles, bag them and pay to have them hauled away.

God is now worried about the health of the trees and shrubs and wonders how without the leaves they will be protected in winter and able to keep the moisture in.
St. Francis shrugs his shoulders again and replies that after all the leaves are taken away the Suburbanites go out and pay for something called mulch which they spread around their gardens, trees and shrubs.
And what is mulch God asks, where do they get it? St. Francis replies sheepishly that trees are cut down and ground up to make the mulch.
God is speechless as he cannot understand how we have taken the beauty and bounty from nature he has given and exploited them in these ways.


  1. Beautiful!

    I used to upset my FIL, bless his soul, when I refused to rake the leaves ... I would tell him that if God meant for them to be naturally distributed, not raked. Pa would tell me, 'I wouldn't like you for my neighbor'. Then we'd laugh. True story ...

    Have a beautiful day ~
    TTFN ~ Hugs, Marydon

  2. Hah Judith: I had read that some time back but I like the addition of the photos. See you tomorrow.

  3. This is funny! I have wild violets growing in my garden :)

  4. I have read that before, and chuckle every time I read it. I guess I am the exception, leaves go on the garden and the small patch of grass is mostly clover now. Take care, Jen

  5. Hi Judith, Very funny and oh so true!! I once read about all the pollution made by mowing fertilizing and etc the grass and I was sold... out it went! I will take weeding over mowing anyday... love to listen to those birds sing:-)))

  6. Marvelous, Judith – and your photos add so much to the story. We've let some of the lawns go to moss but D still battles the front four terraced lawns. I admit it looks nice but won't mind if we do something else. – g

  7. That's new to me - loved it! I'll be sharing it with my gardening friends out here.


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